Circle of life … DEATH of a life whether it be of old age or by tragic accident of any age.
END of an addiction, a relationship, way of thinking or living, of doubting oneself, of misery.
BEGINNING of healing from A DEATH an END.
BIRTH of a child, an idea
Enjoy this circle of life. The human mind body and spirit are full of so many complex feelings, wants desires and emotions that are constantly flowing within. Mourn, cry, laugh, pray, have faith and follow your dreams. Enjoy this circle of life
“Babies don’t come with instructions” (author unknown) take parenting classes is what most will suggest. Others will say just wing it. And there are those that say all I need to do is feed them, clothe them and make sure they don’t hurt or kill themselves, their only my responsibility until they are 18 years of age. Alright, then what? Hope all you tried to teach them will stay in their mind. That even though I didn’t know what the hell I was doing from bad choices to bad advice I gave because I was still learning myself, doesn’t screw up their lives? Are we to turn our heads when they make choices that affect the quality of life for them? Or continue to be there for them as some parents were there for us? Sadly there are some parents that chose to leave even before their children were “of age”. But what is parenting.
My parenting started at the young age of sixteen. Now at forty years old I’m questioning my parenting. What is it I’m doing or supposed to do? Birthed and raised five children now adults. Having a hand in caring for other family members throughout the years. Now raising my first grandchild. I can admit I am a typical Hispanic woman who has a stereotype life and family. I am proud of my family I love each one more than I could have ever imagine. They are a part of me, my tribe they are my clubs and I, well I am their momma bear. I protect them with all I am. I speak up for them as they learn to use their voice. Continuing standing by them as young adults and beyond
This isn’t easy in any way. It’s the hardest job I have ever had. Rules and guidelines are always changing. They changed with the times. They change as they age. I have pretty much grown up with my children. Gone through more than I’d ever imagined. Taking my childhood and that of my husband’s removing what didn’t help us with what we wish we had. Not taking in the difference of personality traits and hereditary behaviors and illnesses. Its be a beautiful mess.
But when I am tired and weary of keeping up with each different situations they are in at this time of their lives and my own is when I lose track of what parenting is. I see and read others perspectives about what parenting is or should be. Comparing it with mine it balances out in more positive ways than negative. So then why am I questioning? Why do I tire myself with these thoughts and ideas of what is right and what is wrong? Where can I get peace in my heart? Even a little respect for the extra mile(s) I dragged myself too just give them a little more encouragement and peace in their life and in their hearts.
For me parenting is a not always beautiful and happy experience. Its filled with lots of trial and error. There are good times and bad times. We have little human beings that rely on us for love, guidance and support. Winging it some of the time with experience and even parenting classes we gain more knowledge and patience too. Although our children grow into adults and we by law are not legally responsible for them being a parent isnt over. We are still teaching them as their lives go on. Of course the rules and guidelines change. But I believe that we can love, guide and support our adult children in more of a cheerleading type of way to out it simple. Remembering that we are not perfect neither are they but enjoy the time we have with each other for as long as we are together. Be happy with who we are as parents also as human beings. Stand firm in what you be6lieve and always have faith that all is as it should be.
Watching your children walk their own path into adulthood knowing that they are being guided and protected by the light of the holy spirit.
Ever since I was a young girl I was taught to have faith in God and in prayer. Well honestly it was more of fearing God and that all I did or said was being watched and heard. In other words if I thought bad things God would be mad and I would go to hell and burn forever never seeing my family, my momma again. Which lead to my fear over taking my mind in all areas of my young to adult life.
Wanting to feel safe I prayed the way I was shown how. By the religion of my family. But was very confusing for me to grasp and truly understand until recently. So I improvised. Staying within the basic prayers I could remember. “The Lord’s Prayer” and just talking to God asking ,crying and pleading with God to protect me from evil and not to take my momma away from me. As the years went by I continued this way of thinking and praying. Going through my life of confusion. I was now a teenager in the dark of what the hell was I living for. Hatred, anger towards those who were supposed to love and care for me. Those who were to protect me but somehow I was still going thru things that hurt me emotionally and physically. Not able to comfortably talk about these things because when I tried I was told I was being dramatic or making things up, looking for attention. Blaming God for taking my grandfather away from me at 3 years old. Believing if he were still alive I wouldn’t have gone through many of my life problems. Praying for my grandfather to come to me and take me away. I was told after his death I was found talking to him and would see him. I told my mom he wanted me to go with him. I’d wish I had gone with him at the time. Maybe he knew that I was going to go through these terrible times and wanted to save me from them. So I prayed but he never came.
Fearing that I’d go to hell or evil was around me all time especially at night I prayed all the time for protection. Characters in Scary movies I’d seen were in my dreams. This was a recurring thing, so much I prayed in my dreams. When I couldn’t get my words out while I was asleep I started reciting the lords prayer over and over.. To this day I still do this.
After meeting my now husband and learning about his religion and how he was raised I learned so much about faith and prayer. His experiences were not very similar to mine but yet faith in heaven and fear in hell was there. Having my own children and now grandbaby I have done all I can to encourage them to find that religion that they are comfortable with and can understand, that they can relate to. But always putting their faith in a higher power, Divine spirit, in God. I shared my life experiences with them and all I witnessed from the negative thoughts I had and actions to the positive and amazing blessings I received from not giving up. Miracles I witnessed. Even the unexplainable.
My personal growth of my life experiences has brought me to the realization that I have nothing to fear. My faith in God and in prayer has always gotten me through the most difficult times of my life. Knowing God knows my heart and true intentions I have no reason to fear God or hell (if indeed there is a hell).
My knowledge on Dementia was pretty nonexistent until January of this year. When I started caring for my Elderly uncle who is also a Veteran. I read books and articles about it. Knowing the difference between Alzheimers and Dementia.
From from I understand Alzheimer’s disease affects our long term memory as for Dementia it affects our short term memory. It also has to do with the vascular system. My uncle is a heart patient and has several other health issues going on. Having had a stroke in October of 2018 his memory was greatly affected. His mind regresses back to the 60’s and 80’s. I am not always confident that I am the best person to care for him. But I am the only family to speak of and he appointed me his beneficiary and Power of attorney in 2011. When my dad (his brother past). That is a whole other blog I will share at a later time.
Before my uncle’s recent stroke he had a heart attack years ago that ended up with him having a defibrillator placed in. He has shown signs of memory loss since then. Little things like what days I or my husband work. Nothing to serious but I never knew those were signs of alzheimer’s or Dementia. According to pamphlets provided by his neurologist, a way of helping a patient with gain some of their memory back or helping avoid this disease is by reading, cross word puzzles really any activity that stimulates the brain.
Ever since I can remember he has always read books he enjoyed novels and would read everyday he also had a cross word puzzle by his night stand and would work in it everyday as well. His mathematical skills were and still are very strong. He was always very independent and cared for himself until recently. Now he ca not remember where the bathroom is, if he ate or not or if its morning or night time. What really brought tears to my eyes is when we were talking about his family and when I asked him about his children. He didn’t remember that his only son had died in a roll over car accident in the late 80’s I was in second grade at the time. He said he had never heard back from his son so he didn’t know anything about him. My heart felt heavy and I was in no way going to bring up what I remembered and knew about his son.
For me and I’m sure many others this disease is scary when we hear about it for the first time. I grew angry the more I realized that it was robbing my uncle of his life and me, of my uncle I’ve always known to strong and positive. I understand it’s a part of life as many thing are. Not so much if a person takes care of their health most of their lives. It can hit anyone healthy or not.
I appreciate and enjoy listening or reading about other’s personal experiences and thoughts on Dementia. They help me with my current journey.
The weather here is unpredictable one moment it’s hot a few moments later its humid them windy, cold wind blowing. The clouds start to turn black. Thunder is roaring in the sky. All the time we’re thinking “na its not going to rain.” Then … the small droplet then more droplets until they turn into quarter sized drops. Goofball size hail joining in the show as well as lighting. It did rain. 20 mins go by, so did the rain. Black Clouds part blue sky appears with the sun. Here we are again. Should we wear a raincoat or a windbreaker? Is it sweater or jacket weather?
K's thoughts 